A Dozen Church Signs

My dad changes the sign for our church, so here are some quotes he puts on it:

1. Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!
2. Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
3. Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.
4. In the dark? Follow the Son.
5. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
6. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
7. Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!
8. This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing? --------- (U R)
9. If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
10. Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
11. Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God
12. If you must curse, use your own name! - God